She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
