he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
