last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
