dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
