ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
