he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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