Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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