We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
