I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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