shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
