every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
