I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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