Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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