I wish they made helmets for livers.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
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i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
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It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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