Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
