in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
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Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
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And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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