how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
