Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
