i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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