is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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