I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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