capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's never too late to be topless.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
