I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
