Your face is a jimmy john
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
