the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
