I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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