I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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