Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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