I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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