I wish I could punch you in the face.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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