I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
