Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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