All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
