fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
We're not piercing ourselves today.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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