i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
