sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
