Say something about gay babies.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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