the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
