Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
