Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
