so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
this will be a night to untag.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
You dont lie about slip and slides
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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