the new term for farting is butt boxing.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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