My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Found your dick twin last night
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
