haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
