I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
