everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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