Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
