I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
