to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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