she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
