Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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