Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
