one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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