do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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