i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
