After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
