she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
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He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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