actually, I'm a sock model
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
