It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
