the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
