Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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