Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
