where am i from again
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
