She announced her abortion via fbk
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
